He’s just not that into you

Over the weekend I went to see a movie and when I got to the theatre and bought my ticket about a half-hour before the movie started, I decided to kill some time by perusing the shelves of the bookstore right next door. When walking down the psychology aisle, in between the self-help books with pictures of bald men on the cover telling us all how to Manifest Your Destiny and Achieve Happiness and Success(!) a brightly colored book with a familiar title caught my eye.


Most of us have seen the Sex and the City episode where Berger tells Miranda that a guy she went out with is “just not that into you”. Big epiphany. It spawned an entire book.

Although a bit late for the boat on this one, I have to say this might actually be the best book I’ve ever read in my life. Every woman, regardless of her relationship status needs to read this. The basic premise: guys are wussies who are afraid of making you cry, so stop making excuses for their bad behavior because it’s their way of saying they’re JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Really, it’s biblical when you realize how freeing it is.

Having switched back and forth between reading a relationship article in Marie Claire and my new book that I now cuddle up to at night, I realized how much crap we’ve been spoon-fed about trying to work out significant problems in relationships, when we really should be recognizing these situations for what they are and saying FUCK THIS SHIT. Pardon my french. It had to be said.

He’s horrible about calling you when he says he’s going to? He’s just not that into you. He says he’s “just not the marrying kind” when it’s clearly important to you? He’s just not that into you. He only wants to see you when he’s drunk? He’s just not that into you. Getting it yet? It’s so obvious, but yet I can recall countless times sitting around with my girlfriends trying to decipher the strange behaviour of guys and how to make sense of it, when it really can be summed up with those 6 little words. How much easier our lives could have been.

Besides being a wonderful boost to your independence, it’s damn funny. It’s mostly set out in “Dear Greg” letters, here’s a little tasty treat for you:

Dear Greg,
I had a boyfriend 10 years ago. I bumped into him on the street recently after not having seen him for many years, and we started “dating” again, even though it is unclear if that’s exactly what’s going on. He won’t kiss me or make a pass at me. But, Greg, we’re going salsa dancing, we’re going bar hopping, we’re staying out late, talking and dancing and laughing and flirting. He keeps telling me how great I look, how great it is to see me. One night he even told me he loves me and hopes I’ll always be in his life. My friends all say he’s just afraid to get hurt again and I should stick this one out. He’s a great guy. Doesn’t he seem really into me, but he’s scared? Salsa dancing, Greg, till four in the morning. Salsa dancing. Please advise.

Hey Salsa,
I’m a dude, if I like you, I kiss you. And then I think about what you look like in and out of your underwear. I’m a guy. That’s how it works. No ifs, no ands, and clearly no buts. Is he scared? Yes, he’s scared of hurting your feelings. That’s why he hasn’t clarified the relationship. When this dude tells you he loves you and that he hopes you never lose touch again, he may as well be signing your yearbook. He loves you as a friend. I say, move on! Go meet someone more worthy of your affections and hot salsa moves.



One Response to “He’s just not that into you”

  1. Breaking up is hard to do « Says:

    […] The book has been both a driving and consoling factor in breakups as of late (note the increase in status, now referred to as “the book” much the same way as the pill is referred to as “the pill”). I’d love to quote from it right now, but like any good book owner, I read it and passed it on to someone who needed it more than I did. One of the lessons I’ve learned from the book and from the previous week or so is that guys are huge pussies (there, I said it, sorry for the language mom). This has now left us ladies with a great deal of responsibility in determining whether their need to spend every waking moment with you is really just insecurity or the constant jokes about getting married is really him being an insensitive douchebag, rather than the undying devotion we’d like to think it is. Which sucks. I’ve always been one to dive right into something without looking much first, because being able to enjoy life without being overly cautious is one of the greatest things in the world. […]

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